The Lonely Chicken Dancer

till all feathers are plucked, the music don't stop!

How awful is it to be addicted to Alphaville's Sounds like a Melody? I know it is one of the worst songs ever recorded, it is beyond all corniness, but..but..the urge! So today is my last day with internet service as well as my final hours of living alone. I hate to give it up and I don't know if I can ever get used to the change again. Atleast the couch I will be sleeping on is kinda comfortable. Umm, this sucks. I brought Trinity over today and she is adjusting pretty well to her foreign surroundings and I really hope she discovers a roommate's Siamese fighting fish. I am praying that she will kill the fish and drink all the water as she could muster. I only say this because Mike deserves it, he is already annoying the fuck out of me. He is the New Englander preppie boy gotta iron my shirt and spray cologne before I go out kind of person, Sharon is a manic depressant (what's new...), Gerland has a physics degree and loves to get stoned with me and going to the pub across the street for interesting conversations, and Kat (yes, that is her real name) is the biggest couch potato I have ever met (sorry Amy, you have now been defeated!) and is a total control-freak and a horrible girlfriend to Gerald. So the 5 of us + Trinity will definitely have an interesting 3 months.

No more music whenever I feel like it, no more smoking cigs inside while slouching in a chair, no more bong hits in a cozy heated room, no more chicken dancing (naked), and finally no peace and quiet so I can think to myself!

I'm thinking about you.

Some say "remember the Alamo", well I say "remember to screw the Alamo, head for the riverwalk instead!".

For a good read, research CIA's project: stargate.


xero blogged on 3/05/2004 06:39:00 PM


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San American

Listening to covenant invokes such strong emotions in me. Hot, dry late spring weather. Warm valleys, windy foothills and strong-sun cool-breeze coasts. Driving with the windows down through the sunny and inclined San Francisco streets with music at the perfect volume where the music becomes a part of your senses as you watch reality go by your eyes. At this level, the sky is alive with sound, everything moves in a harmonious fashion, like a musical catwalk. A best time of life, enjoying these types of occasions while getting a quick whiff of the floral perfume from a person I love, and her gentle hand slipping into mine as if everything would be alright if only life can stay like it is at this very moment. I miss it, I miss it so much, the vibrations, the energy, the glances, the silences, the caring for each other's lives more than we cared about our own. The blurring of the valley oaks as the car sailed by, the beautiful mountains on the horizon, sheltering the farmland at its foot. Pier 39, laughter, driving the wrong way down one-way streets, more laughter, cliff house, winding streets, straightened horizons, warmth. Yeah, this is what I think every time I listen to covenant. The song has ended and so has my dream of love.


Some say "remember the Alamo", well I say "remember that I am intelligently stupid"

I have to re-edit all of these posts because of way too many grammatical and spelling mistakes. What the hell is wrong with me.

Last night I had to listen to 5 hours of my friend saying "I keep on crying and I can't stop" over and over. My friend had a really bad depression/anxiety attack yesterday and fortunately I knew how to help her, as none of her roommates knew what the fuck to do so they all went to sleep before I even got to their apartment. I walk in with the spare keys (since I am moving there this Saturday) to hear her hysterically crying and her other 3 roommates sleeping with their doors closed. I fucking swear, this is why I hate the Americans living in Prague. They are completely immature, straight out of college, never had a worry in their filthy rich lives type of people. They just piss me off, creating cliques all throughout this city, competing against each other to see who is the more 'elite' group, it is like high school. Maybe I am biased because I don't like the social scene in most cases, and in Prague's case, it's stupid. So I consoled her as best as I could, and she had started to pack her things up so she can fly back to America. This world is too fucked up, I mean look at what it does to people. Most humans lose it after a while, only so much plastic we can ingest. Look at the older generations and see how completely insane they have become from this unnatural lifestyle. We have created an over-complicated and completely useless world, destroying the natural world in our path for some artificial glory. We won already, give it up! Start giving back to nature what we so blindly destroyed at a time when we probably didn't know the long term effects of their efforts. We are just another bump in the cycle of life and time, but we built a world for ourselves where a lot of people tend to forget this. If the current pace is kept for destroying this world, humans will not be able to survive on this planet. Sooner or later we will have to build artificial environments, like the government has been testing out. I also wonder when did humans first realize that the preceding human race will be a lot more advanced in all aspects of technology and intelligence? I guess my point is that I understand what Sharon is going through, because if I have felt it and witnessed it with other people before. But that really isn't a point, more like a complete fucking waste of time.

Right now I have the urge to go to American River College, stand up in front of the class and just scream! Scream for the holy!! Scream for their hell! Scream and launch the air-born anguish, like a bacteria, instantly taking affect and causing everyone's eyes to bleed and their tongue turn green with pus. Maybe not that far, but I do want to just scream in front of a class. Strange, I mean where do my desires really lie?



xero blogged on 3/04/2004 03:53:00 PM


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Pricked Love: How I became a vampire today....

Like a shriveled blanket of dust, I rolled out of bed this afternoon to the glorious rays of clouds and to the loving touch of cold wooden floors. I have been listening to a lot of Massiv in Mensch and Tear Garden lately, and it is making for a good Saturday afternoon atmosphere. I don't know if I ever say this, but I love music, it encompasses almost every aspect of my life. I must listen to atleast 5 hours of music a day in my cd player or on my computer. I usually spend an hour a day experimenting with my synths, but not for the reason of creating music, rather so I can listen to still more music, but in a different form. A while ago, after arriving heavily hungover to my morning class on Tuesday, I spaced out while writing something on the board. I started to humm without realizing what I was doing. Now, every time I hum in that class, most of my students will begin to hum with me, usually a cacophony. My students are usually in their late 20's or early 30's in age, so it is definetly weird, but kinda fun.

I am trying to feel better today. Thinking back at my mental state yesterday, it scares me so. Depression is a very bad thing, a very strong force that claws your mind, rips off fragments of memories and poisions the well of hope. It also seems that depression gets heavier and heavier feeling as you get older, or atleast in my case. I am a helpless man, with no motivations to live everyday life, and no forseeable love (which encompasses more than a female). If I do make it into my 'middle age' years, I can't possibly imagine the pains of solely breathing will bring forth.

Some say "remember the alamo", well I say "remember the frogs, the bioecological canary"


xero blogged on 3/01/2004 07:43:00 PM


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